Banana-nanna Bread

What do you with 6 over ripe bananas?  Why make Banana-nanna Bread of course!  This is by far the best Banana Bread I've ever had. 
Its perfectly moist and is packed with bananas so you get the full flavor of the fruit.

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp kosher salt (or 1/4 tsp table salt)
1/2 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 eggs, beaten
2 1/2 cups mashed overripe bananas (about 4 bananas)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a 9x5 inch loaf pan.  

In a large bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir until well combined.  Pour batter into prepared loaf pan.

Bake in preheated oven for 60 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean. Let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack to finish cooling.

I love using my Pampered Chef loaf pan for this.  The kids LOVE this bread warm with some butter.

Korean BBQ - Kalbi

Korean BBQ - Kalbi, originally uploaded by jadenhair.

Saturday night we prepared a Korean BBQ feast for our friends. This is Kalbi - which is grilled short ribs. I ran out of kimchee for the photo! Traditionally, you take a lettuce leaf, place rice, a piece of meat and kimchee, roll it up and eat. I enjoy using seasoned seaweed instead of the lettuce. I love the crunch and saltiness of the seaweed! Recipe will come soon.  

I'm using my new macro lens that my husband bought for me for Christmas. I still have to work on the lighting.  My next purchase will probably be some lights on a stand so that I can control the shadows and highlights better.  I would have liked to get the grains of rice in the shot better, but the sunlight-through-window created a glare on the white rice.  And darn! This pic would have been perfect with some kimchee but my friend Mac chowed down!  This pic was taken the next day after our dinner.

The biggest challenge I'm facing is once I'm done preparing a meal, its TIME TO EAT! Not time to take out the camera and fiddle with the zoom and fuss about the lighting.  So half the time I forgot to take the picture, and the other half of the time, there aren't any LEFTOVERS to take a pic of.  I had also made Chap Chae (Korean noodle dish), but didn't have any left to photograph.  I'm going to have to re-think my whole food photography strategy!

Tapioca Pearls with Sweet Coconut & Cantelope

This is a recipe from my Mom - she used to serve this in the summer time to cool off.  Usually its made with honeydew, but the cantelope was on sale, ripe and smelled so fresh!  This isn't a very well-known dessert in Asian American restaurants, but it can be found in dim-sum eateries in Hong Kong as a perfect ending to a meal.

We served this as dessert after our Korean BBQ feast.  It was just the right dessert to enjoy to cool us down after all the smoky heat of BBQ.  

Tapioca Pearls with Sweet Coconut & Cantelope
2/3 cup Tapioca (tapioca pearls - not the instant stuff!  I used the small size)
1 cup whole milk
2 cups coconut milk (full fat)
4 cups water
1 1/2 cups sugar
Fruit: honeydew or cantelope, diced small

Bring water and sugar to boil. Turn heat down to low, add the milk and stir.  Once the mixture is almost back to a boil, turn off the heat.  Add the coconut milk and stir.  Remove from heat and cool in refrigerator.

While coconut milk mixture is cooling, soak tapioca pearls in cold water for 20 minutes. The pearls will expand a little and turn bright white.  Bring 4 cups of water to a boil - and add the tapioca pearls.  Stir constantly for 2 minutes.  The pearls will turn translucent.   Turn off the heat and drain the pearls in a fine colander.  Use cold running water to rinse the pearls and stop the cooking process.  Set the pearls aside until ready to serve.  

When ready to serve, ladle the coconut milk into each bowl, add a spoonful of tapioca and top with diced fruit.  Enjoy!

Some Notes  
Don't boil the coconut milk - it makes it oily.  For curries, its fine, because its a hot spicy dish. But for a cool, simple dessert, you need to make sure that the heat is turned off before stirring.

Don't add the tapioca or fruit until right before serving. If you add it in and let it sit, the dish will become bitter.  Why? I don't know....my momma said so!

Use full fat coconut milk. I rarely use lite because its just not worth it.  Save your calories on something else, but not the coconut milk!  I also get my coconut milk at an Asian market. I've tried other brands at regular supermarkets, but they never are as full flavored, thick and rich as the Thai brands. The brand that I consistently reach for is "Chaokoh."

Tapioca pearls come in different sizes - I like using small size pearls, it goes really nicely with finely diced honeydew or cantelope.  

Other variations:  Use canned lychee or diced mangoes instead.  Top the dessert with shaved coconut.  Add ginger to the coconut milk mixture (grate the ginger on a rasp or a traditional Japanese ginger grater, squeeze the pulp and only use the juice.  
there is nothing more annoying than getting ginger fibers stuck in your teeth!)

Brothers

IMG_2823, originally uploaded by jadenhair.

Hi, I haven't posted in a while. Its been very very busy here at the business (which is great!) but leaves me very little time for fun things like keeping up with this blog.

Here are some pics of the boys! I'm also busy designing a new website just for my cooking and posting of recipes.

Link to Technorati

Technorati Profile

Happy Birthday Nathan!

Nathan is 2 years old! We made 2 train cakes - one to share with his friends at school and the other to share that night with our family friends at home.

Here are more pics from December.

Holy Trains!

The game they played was how close can they get their nose to the moving toy train without getting scolded by Mom. over. and over. and over. and over. again.

Gingerbread house version 2006

The mistreated and misunderstood vegetable.

I first had hashed brussels sprouts at a nice waterfront gucci-type restaurant in Longboat Key called Pattigeorge's.  I like brussels sprouts, but the only recipes I ever see for them are so similar and boring. Such a shame for such a cute vegetable!  I always vowed that if someone came up with a good recipe that showcased the nuttiness and slightly bitter quality of the vegetable, I would be a lifelong spokesperson for the green nub.

Here is my version:

Hashed Brussels Sprouts
1 lemon
1 lb brussels sprouts
2 Tbs olive oil
2 tsp butter
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 Tbs white wine
1/2 small onion, chopped
1/2 tsp sugar

1) Grate lemon zest and juice the lemon. You should have about 3T of lemon juice.

2) Cut off the bottom stem of the sprouts, discard. Slice the sprouts thinly, place in glass bowl and toss with 2T of lemon juice. Finely chop onion and mince the garlic.

3) In large skillet, heat oil and butter together. When hot, add the onion and cook over medium heat until onion is soft and transparent. Add garlic, stir for 1 minute until garlic is fragrant.
4 Turn heat to high, add sprouts. Fry until sprouts are soft and lightly cooked. About 4 minutes. Add white wine, 1T of lemon juice, 1T of zest, sugar, salt and pepper to taste.

Optional:  You could also brown small cubes of pancetta with the onion to add a smoky flavor to the dish.  

Secrets to bread baking

...that most cookbooks won't tell you:

1) The reason shaping the dough is important:  In the recipe for "No Knead Bread" this is when you shape the dough into a "ball" shape.  You want to create surface tension, so that the second rising produces an beautiful, even bread that bakes evenly.  I usually will use my hands to smooth and stretch the surface and pinch the bottom to hold that tension.

2) The covered pot will trap moisture in the bread, creating a steamy environment that is perfect for producing a crust.  It acts like a mini-hearth oven that radiates the heat evenly on all sides.

3)  Rose Beranbaum, author of The Bread Bible, has a blog - myself and a few others have been chatting with her about this recipe.  
She suggest that you don't need to punch down the dough for multiple risings - this will "overexercise" the dough, it will tighten the crumb and you won't get the nice airy holes that make this bread so darn good.

4)  I used my Pampered Chef large rectangular baker for perfect results. The first time I tried this recipe, I used my very expensive Le Creuset pot - however that was a bad idea. While the bread was perfect, the Le Creuset's max safe temperature is 450.  Using the convection setting, the oven probably got a lot hotter than that.  My husband would not appreciate exploding porcelein enameled cast iron at $20 per square inch.  I was on a mission to find a cheap-o cast iron covered pot today, but I had the kids with me. Tootin' around town with them for 3 hours and $60 in bribes (bubble gum, gummy bears, Brio train tunnel) later, no luck.  So I guess if I ever find this "cheap" cast iron dutch oven - I should probably add the 
cost of the bribes to calculate true COGS (cost of goods sold)....and it will probably turn a $20 pot into more like $120, depending on COB (cost of bribes).  This just doesn't make sense, huh?  I could have bought online, but I was thinking to save $10 on shipping and just buy locally here.  Crap. I'm screwed!  It would have been cheaper to hire a babysitter.  Now I'm digressing....back to bread....

5)  Why do you not need to "knead" the bread?  Here is an excerpt from NY Times article, quoting Howard McGee.   Never mind, NY Times makes you pay for the archives.  Anyways, if I remember correctly, Howard McGee, the author of On Food and Cooking, which is the bible on food science, says that the long, slow rising will have the same effect as kneading. 
Giving the dough 18 hours to rise PLUS using so little yeast is what make this bread so delicious.  It allows the gluten to develop slowly, producing a lighter, tender, airy bread.  The wetness of the dough makes it hard to knead anyways. Wet dough produces the best bread.

6)  The internal temperature of the bread should be 210 degrees.

7) Everyone measures differently, so the best way to measure how much flour to use is to weigh it.  16.5 oz is what I use.  You want to be pretty exact in following recipes for baking.  Flour is difficult to measure with measuring cup because people scoop differently and humidity will also affect how the flour settles and sits in the container.  

8)  If you don't have 12-18 hours to let rise, double the amount of yeast to 1/2 tsp and let rise for 6-8 hours.  

9)  After baking, let the bread cool 20 minutes before cutting into it.  Why?  I forgot why. hmmm....need to research.  Something about implosion of your kitchen floor.  But honestly, like a kid with a candy bar, I can never wait the entire 20 minutes and I end up standing at the kitchen counter with knife in hand, salivating until I can't stand it anymore.  I've never been known for my patience.  Oh well.  

10) Bread flour is different than All Purpose flour. I've only used Bread Flour in this recipe, which contains higher gluten.  Bread flour also has other additives that allow the gas to be trapped in the dough during the risings better than All Purpose.  It gives the bread the nice chewy texture.

11)  Too tired to think of the 11th smart thing to say about bread.  So, I'll leave it at this and go to sleep!

No-Knead Bread

I haven't been this excited about baking in a long long time.   I think foodies would understand my obsession with baking the perfect loaf of bread  and making the perfect pizza dough.  This weekend, I accomplished both!  




Its the easiest recipe ever - Andrew helped me make it! The recipe is adapted from NY Times article on Jim Lahey on "No Knead Bread."  Here is the article, but more importantly, here is the video to show how simple it is.

I have some adjustments to the recipe - first of all, there is no way that "room temp" is 70 degrees here. Its more like 77 in November.  Secondly, I have a convection oven that I like to use.  The ease of this bread and combination of different bread baking techniques makes this recipe one that will be passed down generations.

The Perfect Loaf
Adapted from Jim Lahey "No Knead Bread" published by NY Times

3 cups bread flour (16.5 oz)
1 1/2 cups warm room temp water
1/4 teaspoon yeast
1 tablespoon kosher salt

1. In bowl, combine all ingredients until it comes together into a doughy mass. I use my hands like a dough hook, but you could certainly use a big wooden spoon.  This should only take a minute or two.  The dough will be shaggy looking and wet.  Cover tightly with plastic wrap.

2. Let dough rest for at least 12 hours like this.  Ideal is 18 hours, but since it is warmer than 70 degrees in my home, I usually leave it for 12 hours.

3. About 2 hours before you want to bake, put dough on floured counter, stretch it out long
vertically.  Take top end, fold down. Take bottom end, fold up (sort of like an envelope). Take left end, fold to the right.  Take right end, fold to left.  The goal is to the the dough into a round ball shape.  Place dough, seam side down on a floured towel.  Let sit for 2 hours.

4. One hour before you want to bake, turn on your oven to 450 degrees, place a covered pot  in the oven to pre-heat. Some home ovens don't go that high in temp, just use the highest setting you have.

5. When you are ready to bake, carefully dump the dough in the pot, trying to get the seam side up.  Cover with lid.  Turn oven down to 425 (convection) or keep at 450 (regular oven). Bake 27 minutes.  Uncover.  Bake additional 15-20 minutes, until nicely browned - burnt caramel color.  (internal temperature of bread should be 210 degrees)

Thats it! You will be rewarded with a thin, crunchy brown crust, large, open holes. The bread is slightly chewy, flavorful and perfect texture.

Baking your own bread is deeply soul satisfying, it makes me feel like I am so close to the earth.  I can taste the wheat. 

Tonight, as I placed the tip of my knife into the bread and moved down through the crust, the snap and crunch of the crust gave way to tender, spongy body.  I knew even without tasting it, that it was the most perfect loaf of bread that I have ever made.  
Andrew and I slathered butter on our slices.  We sat on the kitchen floor, my hands still with traces of flour, and had a wonderful moment of just enjoying bread that we made together.  

Just like his Po-Po, Andrew loves bread.  Each time, he would come ask, "More bread please" with arms outstretched. I would place a warm buttered slice in his small hands - he cradled it so gently, carefully ran to the stairs, never taking his eyes off the prize.  He sat on the third step and ate his bread, wiggling his toes between bites.  Three times he did this.

Yes, this is my son. Perhaps one day when he is older, he will read this recipe and story and remember how his Mommy taught him how to eat homemade 
bread - with lots of butter and with eyes closed, totally savoring every single bite.

The Perfect Pizza

I'm bummed that I forgot to snap pics of the pizza (too hungry to remember) - but I can tell you this - my boys LOVED the crust. It had a firm bite, chewy interior and browned perfectly on the bottom.  So, after 4 years of searching, experimenting, eating and gaining 10 pounds, this is it:

The Ultimate Pizza Dough
Adapted from American Pie by Peter Reinhardt

Makes 3  12-ounce dough balls

5 cups (22.5 ounces) of bread flour
3 tablespoons honey
2 teaspoons salt (or 3 1/2 teasp kosher salt)
1 1/2 teaspoons instant yeast
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 3/4 cups room temperature water

1. In electric mixer, combine all dry ingredients.  Slowly add in the water/honey mixture until just combined.

2. Mix with dough hook on low speed for 2 minutes. Stop, using spatula, combine any last loose bits of dough.  Mix on low for another 2 minutes or until all flour incorporated and forms a course ball.

3.  Let dough rest for 5 minutes.  Mix again on med-low for 2 minutes or until dough clears the sides of the bowl and sticks just a little bit on the bottom of the bowl.  Adjust flour/water as necessary.

4.  Take dough out, knead lightly by hand for 1 minute. Divide into 3 equal portions.  Round each piece into a ball and brush lightly with olive oil.  Place each ball in a gallon-sized ziploc bag. Let balls sit at room temperature for 15 minutes, then put them in the refrigerator overnight (or freeze)

5.  Next day, remove dough from refrigerator 2 hours prior to baking. Punch down, let sit on counter until ready to bake.

(Bake with sauce and toppings on pre-heated pizza stone: 450 degrees for 7-9 minutes)



 

Ratting out your mother

Dear boys,
We've had a fun-filled month - MiMi and Papa came to visit, and then PoPo and GongGong came to stay for a week.  Nathan, you discovered the magic of saying "tick-or-tweeeet" - too bad it only works on 1 day of the the year.

Andrew - there are times when I absolutely know that you are my child.  Those times include: 

a) when you so politely request if you can have chocolate for dinner because you had a tough-luck day and don't feel well

b) in the morning when I am still half asleep and I put socks on your cold little feet 
that don't quite match.  Even if the socks are BOTH the same shade of off-white, but one has a 1/4" ridge and the other has 1/8" ridge, you will throw a hissy fit because they don't match.  

And then there are times when I wonder who spawned this child.

Specifically, earlier this year when I rear-ended a cop and you told me 

"Mommy, YOU HIT A POLICEMAN!  You are in big trouble!  You need to go home and go 
to TIME OUT!"  

It really wasn't THAT bad - I mearly tapped his car - in fact, there was absolutely no damage to either car. It was just too bad that I did this in FRONT OF 4 other policemen on a MAJOR street right in my neighborhood.  This is the same major street that all my friends, enemies, associates, customers, co-workers and community leaders use precisely at 9:34 a.m.  Of course at that time, I was driving the Digi-mobile which not only has a 2-foot logo of our company in bright yellow - but also our phone number on all sides of the truck.

The cop made me pull over for 40 minutes , while he ran my I.D. through CODIS, AFIS, FBI Most Wanted, and the national database of "mothers who let their kids eat candy for dinner for sole purpose of bribing them to behaving in public places"

In the meantime, my son questions me: "Mommy, why did you hit that policeman?" "Are you in trouble?" "Policeman is going to put you in a cave."

"Andrew, I didn't hit a policeMAN, it was a policeCAR."

As the cop came back to our car, he nodded over to Andrew in the back seat.  At that precise moment, I knew I would be forever in deep shit.  With that simple nod, he and my son had a mutual understanding, an unspoken male bond that communicated, 

"Yes, I know officer. It is my duty to uphold the traditions of the brotherhood federation of police force world wide (the same damn brotherhood that calls your house twice a year asking for donations).  I will punish my mother.  I will make sure that she will never ever forget this day.  This punishment will be far greater than any ticket you can give her."

"My son, May the force be with you."

So, now fast forward to present.....picture this:

Its dark, 7:30pm.  Both kids in car.  Full from nice dinner out. Husband driving in his car behind me. 
Lonely dark stretch of Lorraine Road.  On phone with husband to pass the time driving while
kids are quietly watching movie in back seat.

Husband: "Oh there's a cop! And he's making a U-turn going to catch someone."

Me: "What stupid idiot is making trouble?"

Me: "OH !(*#@&!(*%!@$!!!!"
(pull over, roll down window)

Officer: "Hi Ma'am. Did you know you were speeding?"

Me: "Hi officer. Yes, I know I was speeding. I am SO SORRY. Just trying to get the kids home."

Andrew: (very casually in an exasperated tone, without taking his eyes off the movie)
"Mommy, did you hit a policeman AGAIN???"

Me: (silently projecting) "SHUT THE *&@#$!!!-UP ANDREW"

Officer: (shines flashlight at Andrew in the back seat)
(very long awkward pause)

He let me go with just a written warning.  I think he recognized Andrew from the Brotherhood 
yearbook.  
 

Knitted Stocking

Nathan's stocking, originally uploaded by jadenhair.

This must be my month of finishing. I'm getting good at not starting a new project until I've finished another. This was based on Nicky Epstein's free pattern floating on the web. It took a LONG time to find this pattern - I don't think its well known. Other than the stocking dimensions, candy cane and holly leaves, the rest of the stocking design is my own. I think it needs one or two more things (and the back is plain), but I wanted to leave room for making a new embellishment every year. The off-white yarn is not 100% wool - its a very soft, fluffy yarn I found at Jo-ann. I had to trim with red furry fabric so that we could stuff the stocking with goodies without stretching it out. I still need to embroider Nathan's name on it. (Mimi is making Andrew's stocking). I also used the knitting machine that my friend Jan taught me how to use on the body of the stocking. It only took 10 minutes to knit!

I also used the knitting machine on the gray sweater that I am wearing in the previous post. Thank you Jan for teaching me!

Next project will be to finish this project that I started a few months ago.

The Next Food Network Star

Wish me luck....I just sent off my audition tape to The Food Network!!!

I bribe my sons

This is the sweater that I had made for Andrew - I finally got him to stand still for a picture. Of course I had to bribe him (1) one Hershey's Kiss to be a model for 5 minutes.

I also knit the grey sweater I'm wearing. Its for my mom as a gift so I'll post more detailed pics of it another time.

More pics

Mimi & Papa visit!

Slideshow!

Brothers

Photos from October 7th - I wonder how much longer I can dress the boys in the same clothes before they tell me to stop torturing them!  We had a wonderful day today - the boys were very nice to each other and behaved like gentlemen at the restaurant.  

Before going to the super-nice restaurant, I told Andrew that there are rules when we are at a restaurant.  

No crying.
No whining.
No fighting.
Act respectable.

"Do you understand, Andrew?"

"Yes Mommy. act despicable."

We laughed so much I almost shit my pants!  He tried so hard to say "respectable" and each time it ended up sounding like "despicable."  You are so cute Andrew.

Good riddance, September!

Dear boys,

Its almost Halloween! Andrew, you want to be a firefighter.  Nathan, we decided you 
are going to be Bob the Builder, mainly because a) you look so good with powertools and b) we already have the costume.  Maybe next year, when you are able to say more than, 
"Mommy I want some chocolate," then you can choose your own costume!

Nathan, thank goodness September is O-V-E-R. You had such a tough month.  Lets see:

a) you grabbed a sharp paring knife from the kitchen table and cut your hand
b) had massive diarrhea
c) got a yeast infection on your butt & coochie from the massive diarrhea
d) got electrocuted because you decided to yank the cord of the lamp and break off the light bulb with your bare hands
e) almost choked because your Ma gave you a piece of chicken without tasting it first and it had spicy sauce on it
f) big bump on the middle of your forehead because your Ma wouldn't give you chocolate at 5:55pm - right before dinnertime, so you decided to throw a temper tantrum on the hard tile of the kitchen floor
g) ate a nickel and almost gave your Ma a nervous breakdown and an ulcer until you crapped it out

Wow, I hope social services isn't sophisticated enough to have a blog-scanner, looking for idiots who blog to the public about their bad parenting....I mean, how stupid can people get!?!  :-)

Nathan, you are learning new words everyday!  Its so cute to hear you say, "Where'd Daddy go?" with a shrug and both palms up in wonder.  You've also squeezed Mommy's boobs together with your two little hands and said, "DOCTOR." - are you trying to tell me something?????

You love to color.  Everyday I get a special treat when I pick you up from school - a new masterpiece to put up on the fridge.  I'm going to save all your artwork and make a quilt out of it.

Here's to a safe October kid!

Andrew,
My sweet,  sweet Andrew.  I sneak over to the bed when you are sound asleep and give you a 
soft kiss. You are an angel. You love it when Mommy rubs your back when you are trying to
go to sleep.  "Mommy, rub my back please."  I love rubbing your back, it comforts you.

I took both of you to the candy store last Friday.  We each got a small bag of candy. Nathan wanted "M's", you wanted chocolate covered gummy bears, and Mommy wanted gummy frogs, gummy tarantulas and gummy centipedes.

We get into the car, and each of us enjoying our treats. Halfway home, you say to me, "Mommy I want your gummies!"

"No Andrew, you got your own gummies.  These are Mommy's gummies."

"I want YOUR gummies!"

"Eat your own gummies."

"BUT...BUT....GOD said to SHHAARREEEE with me!"

(silence)

holy moly. my kid is using God to manipulate me!!!!  Did I share my gummies?  

Hell heck no.

A very good morning

Dear Andrew,

This morning, you woke up and quietly came downstairs and watched TV by yourself so that you could let Mommy sleep in.  Then, when I woke up and came out, the first thing you said to me was,

"Mommy, I love you. You are my best friend." and you gave me the biggest hug in the world.

My son, I love you too.

Love,

Mommy

Disney pictures

Click here for a slideshow of the pics

Peach Pie

It just occurred to me that I'm a chef, but I've never even blogged about my cooking.

One day, I'll compile the best of my recipes and my Mom's and create a family cookbook. This Peach Pie will surely be one of them.

The crust is light, flaky and so crumbly! Peaches are in season and a 2-day rest on the counter yielded perfectly ripened fruit for pie.

2 of my favorite things in my kitchen at the same time in the same picture....homemade pie and my Nespresso espresso maker.  I can't stand it anymore, I think I'll just sneak just one tiny slice before I go to bed.

Amusement Park Terrorist

Yesterday morning, we spontaneously decided to take a trip to Disneyworld. After all, we invested $700 for 1-year passes, and we only live 1 1/2 hours away.   While we had a blast, there were 2 incidences that really pissed me off.

I wore my usual tank-top (it was insanely hot and humid).  
Upon entry, I was stopped by this short, fat, ugly old lady in uniform.

"Excuse me Miss..."

I didn't respond, because I didn't think she was speaking to me.  I just don't fit the profile of a amusement park terrorist.

"Um, EXCUUUUSSEEEE ME MA'AM!!!"

I cocked my head in her direction, just curious to see which crazy customer she was referring to.  She was coming directly at ME fast and furious.  Oh crap. What did I do now?  I instinctively checked to make sure my zipper was up and my nose was free of hanging snot. (don't laugh, I bet you do that too)

(heavy breathing) because walking all of 10 yards really took her breath away.  "Miss, you MUST wear a tank top over whatever you are wearing." She was pointing at my top with her finger that resembled a snausages dog treat.

1. I was wearing a halter top, the tie is behind the neck, double knotted
2. It was long, covering my belly completely
3. My halter top was turquiose and blue, very fashionable colors

I checked myself over, "What are you talking about?"

She purses her lips in a "I'm a guest relations specialist at DisneyWorld, 
the happiest place on earth, and YOU ARE AN OBSTACLE in Walt's
mission statement" sort of way.

"You need to cover your top up. Its not acceptable. What if your knot comes out and your top falls down?"

WTF???!!!??  Yeah lady, and what if your fat lips suddenly snapped back up and over your head?  It was so ridiculous, not even funny.

I had Andrew in my arms, and instead of saying anything, I just turned my back on her and walked away, giving her an under-handed backflip middle finger.

I heard her scramble to get her manager like it was the end of the world if I didn't cover up because my knots might come loose and heaven forbid if my flabby tits would frighten the children of the world.

I turned around as Manager came over to me.  It was an older, bald man.  

I flashed a flirtacious smile at him.

Manager says, "oh she's fine."

I almost stuck out my tongue at Snausages.  As my son would say, "neener neener neener, you're a big fat weeeeennneeer!" 

HUGE stomach

Nathan's always had a huge appetite.  In fact, Nathan and Andrew are 17 months apart and they weigh exactly the same.  One day, he'll be linebacker for some famous football team. Either that, or I put my money on Nathan being a sumo-wrestler.

Menu:
1 bowl of oatmeal
1 banana
3 Hershey's kisses
1 big bowl of chicken noodle soup
Applesauce
3 slices of pizza
chicken breast
broccoli
peach
milk
juice
and cookies


He's so proud of his belly. Strike a pose!




It was so big that when we sat down for his storytime, he lifted his shirt up and started rubbing his belly, sort of as a soothing, comfort thing. hmmm.....I can just see him 20 years in the future, just like Ted Bundy with his hand in pants and remote in other.

Andrew's Donkey Sweater

Andrew's Donkey Sweater

Its finished! and its PERFECT!  Its a yummy soft sweater knit from Rowan Cashsoft DK - the color is called "Donkey" - therefore the sweater is called Andrew's Donkey Sweater.

I haven't sewn the buttons on yet, for the picture I just put them in place.

The pattern is from book "Natural Knits for Babies and Toddlers." Originally, the pattern called for different yarn with different guage, and it was sized for 18mo toddler.

Spunky Clara from my local yarn shop helped me resize it to use this yarn and for a 4 year old. For the first time, I finally feel comfortable kntting and understanding the construction process. I used to follow a pattern line by line, praying that the end result would look something like the photo.

Now, I can knit and understand why I am knitting each stitch - and can see the construction in progress. Its so cool that I'm creating clothing and not just spending $40 at Gymboree for clothes! Hopefully, my kids will appreciate that their mother hand-made this sweater and not toss in the Goodwill pile after I'm long gone.

I have this fancy dream that this Donkey Sweater will be passed on from generation to generation, each time lovingly wrapped and presented to the next "Hair" rugrat down the line. Maybe, just maybe each generation will treasure my hand-made creations....and tell stories of old "Gramma Jaden" and how she used to spend all of the family's grocery money on yarn.

Saving for college

We had quite a bit of drama this past weekend. Nathan decided to put a nickel he found on the floor in his mouth. and swallow it. whole.

gulp.

I watched the whole thing in horror - kinda like in slow motion - as he was putting it in his mouth I reached towards him saying "nnnnnNNNNNOOOOOooooo"

too late.

all gone.

After frantically calling the pediatrician, my brother, poison control, wikipedia and the Pope, it was concluded that we would wait for him to shit it out.

Doctor: "hahaha. Is he saving for college? Its the second most common injury to kids. He'll probably just pass it out."

Me: "But its a NICKEL"

Scott: "I think he's fine - he's playing, laughing and beating up his brother already."

Me: "But what if its going to hurt coming out? Its a NICKEL. Nickels are heavy and round and big."

Scott: "He'll shit it out."

Doctor: "Call me if you don't see it by Tuesday."

Me: "You try shitting out a nickel."

--

So I don't know who nominated ME to be the shit digger, but sometime between Saturday night and Monday morning, he must have shat at least 7 times - no nickel - just to torture me.

Weapons of choice: surgical gloves, mask, popsicle stick

Every time the bugger shat, I had to go through it. And whose fat idea was it to have broccoli the night before? Lets just say that I WILL NOT MAKE GUACAMOLE for a loooooonnnngggg loooooooonnnnnnggggggg time.

--

Monday morning, I had to explain to his teachers that if he did a "Bowel Movement"  (Christian day-care center doesn't use the word "shit" in their language) - please save it for me and I will dig through the crusty shit poop when he comes home.

I was really getting worried.  

Tuesday is only a few hours away!  What then? Its not like they would use a pipe cleaner to wiggle it out.....right???

Maybe fishing line and magnet?

Mini intestinal vacuum?

Well, he crapped the nickel out at school late in the day. Knowing my kid, 5 pennies probably came out of his ass.

I was actually upset that the teacher didn't keep the nickel as souvenier evidence.  I really wanted to see it to make sure it was "THE" nickel that I've been stressing out about the past 48 hours.... not any other nickel that he might have swallowed that I wasn't aware of and haven't prayed for.

The teacher said that a round "black" object came out in his diaper. Upon closer inspection (hmmm...I wonder what *that* specifically meant - did she poke at it? did she hold it up close to her eyes?) she noticed it was coin-sized and hard.  Conclusion: nickel expelled.

Teacher described in such detail that it makes me believe that she's gotten some 
kind of attachment to the thing. How scary.  And why is the nickel black now?  Does my son have nickel residue stuck in his body forever? I wonder if will have some long term side effect like premature baldness. Who knows.

Here is his report card. See, I told you they say "Bowel Movement" - BM for short:


What really worried me was that he came home with artwork:


Doesn't it look like "drag the poopie nickel across the paper" artwork???  They are very resourceful, those Christian day-care teachers.  Closeup:

More Teeny Tiny Swaps!

We got some of the coolest presents!

This one is from Chloe in Los Angeles. There are lots of fun crafts to do - we've eaten all the candy already!

This one is from Megan - she sent us pretty postcards and halloween craft stuff!

Here are my alien boys. They didn't know what pipe cleaner was, so the first thing Andrew did was, "Look at me, I'm a scary monster!":


We sent out 3 packages, here are our new friends: Kaylee & Titus

Disneyworld!

Today was our friend's 4th birthday. To celebrate - we took them to Disneyworld.
It was a very fun day, but I'm totally exhausted....here are some pics:

 

Happy Birthday to our favorite girl!

"Hi Po-Po! I'm at Magic Ding-dong" (talking to Po-Po on phone, trying to tell her we are at Magic Kingdom)

Thank you Josie!

We got a Teeny Tiny Swap in the mail today! This one is from Josie in Colorado. She sent the cutest little tiny suitcase - inside the suitcase were itsy bitsy crayons, stapler, tape and bits of colored paper with pretty purple stick glue. The boys had so much fun - it was Andrew's first time using a stapler, and he sat there for 20 minutes stapling everything he could find. The boys sat at their little table together and colored, taped, cut, stapled, and stickered. We also got 2 CDs - they were so fun to listen to, especially since it was a rainy day outside. Thank you SO much Josie!

Pouting.

Pouting., originally uploaded by jadenhair.

Nathan wants chocolate.
No chocolate before dinner.
Nathan pouts.
Lip so fat it bounced off the ground and slapped him silly.

Busch Gardens!

We brought the boys to Busch Gardens last week- I don't have pics of Andrew, but here are a couple of Nathan.

Welcome home!

I just spent 3 hours moving all my posts and photos from LiveJournal to Blogger. The tips of my fingers are blistered from typing so much. May need to either amputate or go on long vacation.

Needle embroidery project

My first needle embroidery project.
Rating: Butt-ugly.

WIP: Laptop bag

I've been searching for a stylish laptop bag, but can't find one that
a) is not vinyl
b) is not boring
c) does not scream, "steal me, I hold an expensive laptop inside"

I'm makin' my own....almost done, need strap and closure. I wonder if a magnet closure would ruin a laptop? Will have to ask my technicians in the morning.

WIP: Andrew's quilt

We went to Super Ghetto-Mart (Wal-mart) today and Andrew saw this train fabric in the craft section. He grabbed the whole bolt of fabric and hugged it. When I tried to pry it from his greasy french-fry stained hands, he pitched a massive fit in the middle of the store. Two hunched backed pruny grandmas looked over and said, "oh how cute, he wants you to make him a quilt for nap-time! what a smart boy!"

Shit.

How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? I shot them a dirty look, grabbed the bolt and threw it in the cart. So, basically I was guilted by granny trannies at ghetto-mart. Andrew picked himself off the floor and I swore he gave me a triumphant smirk.

Oh yeah....I have a renewed faith in mankind. (cue in the trumpets and heavenly harps)

In my daze this morning, I left my driver-side door WIDE-OPEN in the super ghetto-mart parking lot. An hour later, I returned and found the door open. Nothing was stolen!! Not even my MP3 player, not even the 53 cents in change, not even the Thomas the Tank Engine DVD!!! (well, I wouldn't have minded if someone took the DVD because I am SO SO SO sick of listening to it) God bless America!

Armani

Some of Andrew's first words included "Armani" and "Bacardi". No joke. I think our friends Tony and Rick taught Andrew those words. Nathan woke up this afternoon from a 3 hour nap and stood up in his crib, waited patiently for me to come over and rescue him from his jail, and said, "Armani."

Dear boys,

Between our variable-rate home equity loan and getting screwed by greedy oil companies, we can't afford to buy Armani clothes that you both will eventually soil with spaghetti fights at dinner time or squirt Hershey's chocolate syrup on because you think its funny that the squeeze bottle makes a FART sound. Can you please choose more appropriate words and phrases that would be helpful to our family economy, like maybe next week's winning lottery numbers?

Also, Andrew, just a simple request, can you please stop trying to stick gummy bears up your brother's nose?

Love,
Ma

I'm so smart

"hmmm...whats a 6 letter word for genius?"


"oh yeah, its NATHAN"

WIP: Vogue knit skirt

Work in progress: a knitted skirt. Why the hell did I choose to do this project?? It looked SO yummy on the cover model of Vogue Knitting. Am I delusional or what?!? No way in hell will I EVER be 5'10" and 110lbs. I am going to end up looking like I'm wearing grandma's crusty ol' pink doiley thingy. When I was little, I used to take a doiley thingy, cut a hole in the middle and make my Barbie doll wear it on a date with my brother's He-Man. My mom never let me have a Ken doll...I wonder what evil things she thought I would do with 2 plastic toys? hmmmm....but never mind, Ken was so totally gay. He-Man and the Incredible Hulk gave better tongue action anyways.

I think the universe is getting me back for my demented childhood.

For little Payton

I don't have time to post much about Payton, but she is a 4yr old daughter of friends here in Lakewood Ranch. She has a very rare form of brain cancer and is undergoing some tough treatments right now. Her cancer is so rare that they don't even have a treatment plan written up. Bad news today - I spoke with her father, and Payton's MRI yesterday showed growth and movement of the tumors. They are heading back up to Duke Hosp this weekend for radiation. I came home after speaking with Patrick. I was very sad and decided to make her a little gift...an apron and matching purse.