Dear Andrew,
This morning, you woke up and quietly came downstairs and watched TV by yourself so that you could let Mommy sleep in. Then, when I woke up and came out, the first thing you said to me was,
"Mommy, I love you. You are my best friend." and you gave me the biggest hug in the world.
My son, I love you too.
Love,
Mommy
Friday, September 29, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Peach Pie
It just occurred to me that I'm a chef, but I've never even blogged about my cooking.
One day, I'll compile the best of my recipes and my Mom's and create a family cookbook. This Peach Pie will surely be one of them.
The crust is light, flaky and so crumbly! Peaches are in season and a 2-day rest on the counter yielded perfectly ripened fruit for pie.
2 of my favorite things in my kitchen at the same time in the same picture....homemade pie and my Nespresso espresso maker. I can't stand it anymore, I think I'll just sneak just one tiny slice before I go to bed.
Amusement Park Terrorist
Yesterday morning, we spontaneously decided to take a trip to Disneyworld. After all, we invested $700 for 1-year passes, and we only live 1 1/2 hours away. While we had a blast, there were 2 incidences that really pissed me off.
I wore my usual tank-top (it was insanely hot and humid).
Upon entry, I was stopped by this short, fat, ugly old lady in uniform.
"Excuse me Miss..."
I didn't respond, because I didn't think she was speaking to me. I just don't fit the profile of a amusement park terrorist.
"Um, EXCUUUUSSEEEE ME MA'AM!!!"
I cocked my head in her direction, just curious to see which crazy customer she was referring to. She was coming directly at ME fast and furious. Oh crap. What did I do now? I instinctively checked to make sure my zipper was up and my nose was free of hanging snot. (don't laugh, I bet you do that too)
(heavy breathing) because walking all of 10 yards really took her breath away. "Miss, you MUST wear a tank top over whatever you are wearing." She was pointing at my top with her finger that resembled a snausages dog treat.
1. I was wearing a halter top, the tie is behind the neck, double knotted
2. It was long, covering my belly completely
3. My halter top was turquiose and blue, very fashionable colors
I checked myself over, "What are you talking about?"
She purses her lips in a "I'm a guest relations specialist at DisneyWorld,
the happiest place on earth, and YOU ARE AN OBSTACLE in Walt's
mission statement" sort of way.
"You need to cover your top up. Its not acceptable. What if your knot comes out and your top falls down?"
WTF???!!!?? Yeah lady, and what if your fat lips suddenly snapped back up and over your head? It was so ridiculous, not even funny.
I had Andrew in my arms, and instead of saying anything, I just turned my back on her and walked away, giving her an under-handed backflip middle finger.
I heard her scramble to get her manager like it was the end of the world if I didn't cover up because my knots might come loose and heaven forbid if my flabby tits would frighten the children of the world.
I turned around as Manager came over to me. It was an older, bald man.
I flashed a flirtacious smile at him.
Manager says, "oh she's fine."
I almost stuck out my tongue at Snausages. As my son would say, "neener neener neener, you're a big fat weeeeennneeer!"
I wore my usual tank-top (it was insanely hot and humid).
Upon entry, I was stopped by this short, fat, ugly old lady in uniform.
"Excuse me Miss..."
I didn't respond, because I didn't think she was speaking to me. I just don't fit the profile of a amusement park terrorist.
"Um, EXCUUUUSSEEEE ME MA'AM!!!"
I cocked my head in her direction, just curious to see which crazy customer she was referring to. She was coming directly at ME fast and furious. Oh crap. What did I do now? I instinctively checked to make sure my zipper was up and my nose was free of hanging snot. (don't laugh, I bet you do that too)
(heavy breathing) because walking all of 10 yards really took her breath away. "Miss, you MUST wear a tank top over whatever you are wearing." She was pointing at my top with her finger that resembled a snausages dog treat.
1. I was wearing a halter top, the tie is behind the neck, double knotted
2. It was long, covering my belly completely
3. My halter top was turquiose and blue, very fashionable colors
I checked myself over, "What are you talking about?"
She purses her lips in a "I'm a guest relations specialist at DisneyWorld,
the happiest place on earth, and YOU ARE AN OBSTACLE in Walt's
mission statement" sort of way.
"You need to cover your top up. Its not acceptable. What if your knot comes out and your top falls down?"
WTF???!!!?? Yeah lady, and what if your fat lips suddenly snapped back up and over your head? It was so ridiculous, not even funny.
I had Andrew in my arms, and instead of saying anything, I just turned my back on her and walked away, giving her an under-handed backflip middle finger.
I heard her scramble to get her manager like it was the end of the world if I didn't cover up because my knots might come loose and heaven forbid if my flabby tits would frighten the children of the world.
I turned around as Manager came over to me. It was an older, bald man.
I flashed a flirtacious smile at him.
Manager says, "oh she's fine."
I almost stuck out my tongue at Snausages. As my son would say, "neener neener neener, you're a big fat weeeeennneeer!"
HUGE stomach
Nathan's always had a huge appetite. In fact, Nathan and Andrew are 17 months apart and they weigh exactly the same. One day, he'll be linebacker for some famous football team. Either that, or I put my money on Nathan being a sumo-wrestler.
Menu:
1 bowl of oatmeal
1 banana
3 Hershey's kisses
1 big bowl of chicken noodle soup
Applesauce
3 slices of pizza
chicken breast
broccoli
peach
milk
juice
and cookies
He's so proud of his belly. Strike a pose!
It was so big that when we sat down for his storytime, he lifted his shirt up and started rubbing his belly, sort of as a soothing, comfort thing. hmmm.....I can just see him 20 years in the future, just like Ted Bundy with his hand in pants and remote in other.
Menu:
1 bowl of oatmeal
1 banana
3 Hershey's kisses
1 big bowl of chicken noodle soup
Applesauce
3 slices of pizza
chicken breast
broccoli
peach
milk
juice
and cookies
He's so proud of his belly. Strike a pose!
It was so big that when we sat down for his storytime, he lifted his shirt up and started rubbing his belly, sort of as a soothing, comfort thing. hmmm.....I can just see him 20 years in the future, just like Ted Bundy with his hand in pants and remote in other.
Andrew's Donkey Sweater
Its finished! and its PERFECT! Its a yummy soft sweater knit from Rowan Cashsoft DK - the color is called "Donkey" - therefore the sweater is called Andrew's Donkey Sweater.
I haven't sewn the buttons on yet, for the picture I just put them in place.
The pattern is from book "Natural Knits for Babies and Toddlers." Originally, the pattern called for different yarn with different guage, and it was sized for 18mo toddler.
Spunky Clara from my local yarn shop helped me resize it to use this yarn and for a 4 year old. For the first time, I finally feel comfortable kntting and understanding the construction process. I used to follow a pattern line by line, praying that the end result would look something like the photo.
Now, I can knit and understand why I am knitting each stitch - and can see the construction in progress. Its so cool that I'm creating clothing and not just spending $40 at Gymboree for clothes! Hopefully, my kids will appreciate that their mother hand-made this sweater and not toss in the Goodwill pile after I'm long gone.
I have this fancy dream that this Donkey Sweater will be passed on from generation to generation, each time lovingly wrapped and presented to the next "Hair" rugrat down the line. Maybe, just maybe each generation will treasure my hand-made creations....and tell stories of old "Gramma Jaden" and how she used to spend all of the family's grocery money on yarn.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Saving for college
We had quite a bit of drama this past weekend. Nathan decided to put a nickel he found on the floor in his mouth. and swallow it. whole.
gulp.
I watched the whole thing in horror - kinda like in slow motion - as he was putting it in his mouth I reached towards him saying "nnnnnNNNNNOOOOOooooo"
too late.
all gone.
After frantically calling the pediatrician, my brother, poison control, wikipedia and the Pope, it was concluded that we would wait for him to shit it out.
Doctor: "hahaha. Is he saving for college? Its the second most common injury to kids. He'll probably just pass it out."
Me: "But its a NICKEL"
Scott: "I think he's fine - he's playing, laughing and beating up his brother already."
Me: "But what if its going to hurt coming out? Its a NICKEL. Nickels are heavy and round and big."
Scott: "He'll shit it out."
Doctor: "Call me if you don't see it by Tuesday."
Me: "You try shitting out a nickel."
--
So I don't know who nominated ME to be the shit digger, but sometime between Saturday night and Monday morning, he must have shat at least 7 times - no nickel - just to torture me.
Weapons of choice: surgical gloves, mask, popsicle stick
Every time the bugger shat, I had to go through it. And whose fat idea was it to have broccoli the night before? Lets just say that I WILL NOT MAKE GUACAMOLE for a loooooonnnngggg loooooooonnnnnnggggggg time.
--
Monday morning, I had to explain to his teachers that if he did a "Bowel Movement" (Christian day-care center doesn't use the word "shit" in their language) - please save it for me and I will dig through the crustyshit poop when he comes home.
I was really getting worried.
Tuesday is only a few hours away! What then? Its not like they would use a pipe cleaner to wiggle it out.....right???
Maybe fishing line and magnet?
Mini intestinal vacuum?
Well, he crapped the nickel out at school late in the day. Knowing my kid, 5 pennies probably came out of his ass.
I was actually upset that the teacher didn't keep the nickel assouvenier evidence. I really wanted to see it to make sure it was "THE" nickel that I've been stressing out about the past 48 hours.... not any other nickel that he might have swallowed that I wasn't aware of and haven't prayed for.
The teacher said that a round "black" object came out in his diaper. Upon closer inspection (hmmm...I wonder what *that* specifically meant - did she poke at it? did she hold it up close to her eyes?) she noticed it was coin-sized and hard. Conclusion: nickel expelled.
Teacher described in such detail that it makes me believe that she's gotten some
kind of attachment to the thing. How scary. And why is the nickel black now? Does my son have nickel residue stuck in his body forever? I wonder if will have some long term side effect like premature baldness. Who knows.
Here is his report card. See, I told you they say "Bowel Movement" - BM for short:
What really worried me was that he came home with artwork:
Doesn't it look like "drag the poopie nickel across the paper" artwork??? They are very resourceful, those Christian day-care teachers. Closeup:
gulp.
I watched the whole thing in horror - kinda like in slow motion - as he was putting it in his mouth I reached towards him saying "nnnnnNNNNNOOOOOooooo"
too late.
all gone.
After frantically calling the pediatrician, my brother, poison control, wikipedia and the Pope, it was concluded that we would wait for him to shit it out.
Doctor: "hahaha. Is he saving for college? Its the second most common injury to kids. He'll probably just pass it out."
Me: "But its a NICKEL"
Scott: "I think he's fine - he's playing, laughing and beating up his brother already."
Me: "But what if its going to hurt coming out? Its a NICKEL. Nickels are heavy and round and big."
Scott: "He'll shit it out."
Doctor: "Call me if you don't see it by Tuesday."
Me: "You try shitting out a nickel."
--
So I don't know who nominated ME to be the shit digger, but sometime between Saturday night and Monday morning, he must have shat at least 7 times - no nickel - just to torture me.
Weapons of choice: surgical gloves, mask, popsicle stick
Every time the bugger shat, I had to go through it. And whose fat idea was it to have broccoli the night before? Lets just say that I WILL NOT MAKE GUACAMOLE for a loooooonnnngggg loooooooonnnnnnggggggg time.
--
Monday morning, I had to explain to his teachers that if he did a "Bowel Movement" (Christian day-care center doesn't use the word "shit" in their language) - please save it for me and I will dig through the crusty
I was really getting worried.
Tuesday is only a few hours away! What then? Its not like they would use a pipe cleaner to wiggle it out.....right???
Maybe fishing line and magnet?
Mini intestinal vacuum?
Well, he crapped the nickel out at school late in the day. Knowing my kid, 5 pennies probably came out of his ass.
I was actually upset that the teacher didn't keep the nickel as
The teacher said that a round "black" object came out in his diaper. Upon closer inspection (hmmm...I wonder what *that* specifically meant - did she poke at it? did she hold it up close to her eyes?) she noticed it was coin-sized and hard. Conclusion: nickel expelled.
Teacher described in such detail that it makes me believe that she's gotten some
kind of attachment to the thing. How scary. And why is the nickel black now? Does my son have nickel residue stuck in his body forever? I wonder if will have some long term side effect like premature baldness. Who knows.
Here is his report card. See, I told you they say "Bowel Movement" - BM for short:
What really worried me was that he came home with artwork:
Doesn't it look like "drag the poopie nickel across the paper" artwork??? They are very resourceful, those Christian day-care teachers. Closeup:
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
More Teeny Tiny Swaps!
We got some of the coolest presents!
This one is from Chloe in Los Angeles. There are lots of fun crafts to do - we've eaten all the candy already!
This one is from Megan - she sent us pretty postcards and halloween craft stuff!
Here are my alien boys. They didn't know what pipe cleaner was, so the first thing Andrew did was, "Look at me, I'm a scary monster!":
We sent out 3 packages, here are our new friends: Kaylee & Titus
This one is from Chloe in Los Angeles. There are lots of fun crafts to do - we've eaten all the candy already!
This one is from Megan - she sent us pretty postcards and halloween craft stuff!
Here are my alien boys. They didn't know what pipe cleaner was, so the first thing Andrew did was, "Look at me, I'm a scary monster!":
We sent out 3 packages, here are our new friends: Kaylee & Titus
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Disneyworld!
Today was our friend's 4th birthday. To celebrate - we took them to Disneyworld.
It was a very fun day, but I'm totally exhausted....here are some pics:
Happy Birthday to our favorite girl!
It was a very fun day, but I'm totally exhausted....here are some pics:
Happy Birthday to our favorite girl!
"Hi Po-Po! I'm at Magic Ding-dong" (talking to Po-Po on phone, trying to tell her we are at Magic Kingdom)
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Thank you Josie!
We got a Teeny Tiny Swap in the mail today! This one is from Josie in Colorado. She sent the cutest little tiny suitcase - inside the suitcase were itsy bitsy crayons, stapler, tape and bits of colored paper with pretty purple stick glue. The boys had so much fun - it was Andrew's first time using a stapler, and he sat there for 20 minutes stapling everything he could find. The boys sat at their little table together and colored, taped, cut, stapled, and stickered. We also got 2 CDs - they were so fun to listen to, especially since it was a rainy day outside. Thank you SO much Josie!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Busch Gardens!
We brought the boys to Busch Gardens last week- I don't have pics of Andrew, but here are a couple of Nathan.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Welcome home!
I just spent 3 hours moving all my posts and photos from LiveJournal to Blogger. The tips of my fingers are blistered from typing so much. May need to either amputate or go on long vacation.
WIP: Laptop bag
I've been searching for a stylish laptop bag, but can't find one that
a) is not vinyl
b) is not boring
c) does not scream, "steal me, I hold an expensive laptop inside"
I'm makin' my own....almost done, need strap and closure. I wonder if a magnet closure would ruin a laptop? Will have to ask my technicians in the morning.
WIP: Andrew's quilt
We went to Super Ghetto-Mart (Wal-mart) today and Andrew saw this train fabric in the craft section. He grabbed the whole bolt of fabric and hugged it. When I tried to pry it from his greasy french-fry stained hands, he pitched a massive fit in the middle of the store. Two hunched backed pruny grandmas looked over and said, "oh how cute, he wants you to make him a quilt for nap-time! what a smart boy!"
Shit.
How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? I shot them a dirty look, grabbed the bolt and threw it in the cart. So, basically I was guilted by granny trannies at ghetto-mart. Andrew picked himself off the floor and I swore he gave me a triumphant smirk.
Oh yeah....I have a renewed faith in mankind. (cue in the trumpets and heavenly harps)
In my daze this morning, I left my driver-side door WIDE-OPEN in the super ghetto-mart parking lot. An hour later, I returned and found the door open. Nothing was stolen!! Not even my MP3 player, not even the 53 cents in change, not even the Thomas the Tank Engine DVD!!! (well, I wouldn't have minded if someone took the DVD because I am SO SO SO sick of listening to it) God bless America!
Armani
Some of Andrew's first words included "Armani" and "Bacardi". No joke. I think our friends Tony and Rick taught Andrew those words. Nathan woke up this afternoon from a 3 hour nap and stood up in his crib, waited patiently for me to come over and rescue him from his jail, and said, "Armani."
Dear boys,
Between our variable-rate home equity loan and getting screwed by greedy oil companies, we can't afford to buy Armani clothes that you both will eventually soil with spaghetti fights at dinner time or squirt Hershey's chocolate syrup on because you think its funny that the squeeze bottle makes a FART sound. Can you please choose more appropriate words and phrases that would be helpful to our family economy, like maybe next week's winning lottery numbers?
Also, Andrew, just a simple request, can you please stop trying to stick gummy bears up your brother's nose?
Love,
Ma
WIP: Vogue knit skirt
Work in progress: a knitted skirt. Why the hell did I choose to do this project?? It looked SO yummy on the cover model of Vogue Knitting. Am I delusional or what?!? No way in hell will I EVER be 5'10" and 110lbs. I am going to end up looking like I'm wearing grandma's crusty ol' pink doiley thingy. When I was little, I used to take a doiley thingy, cut a hole in the middle and make my Barbie doll wear it on a date with my brother's He-Man. My mom never let me have a Ken doll...I wonder what evil things she thought I would do with 2 plastic toys? hmmmm....but never mind, Ken was so totally gay. He-Man and the Incredible Hulk gave better tongue action anyways.
I think the universe is getting me back for my demented childhood.
For little Payton
I don't have time to post much about Payton, but she is a 4yr old daughter of friends here in Lakewood Ranch. She has a very rare form of brain cancer and is undergoing some tough treatments right now. Her cancer is so rare that they don't even have a treatment plan written up. Bad news today - I spoke with her father, and Payton's MRI yesterday showed growth and movement of the tumors. They are heading back up to Duke Hosp this weekend for radiation. I came home after speaking with Patrick. I was very sad and decided to make her a little gift...an apron and matching purse.
Swap!
I signed up for a mini-kiddie swap, which means I send a nice package to 4 other kids. In return, Andrew will get 4 little packages from other people.
I made this headband for 3 of the girls (the other is a boy) and a home-made card.
I see stars!
Cutest little book - you look through this little tiny hole to see the pictures. Andrew tried closing one eye to peek through the other, but he kept closing the wrong eye! So I taught him to put a hand over one eye.
Mommy got in trouble
Dear Andrew,
I know you are so so so smart, but please don't repeat me when I am cussing. Things like, "OH SHIT!" or "WHAT AN ASSHOLE" are only for big people's ears. And if you do happen to catch me saying one of these nasty comments, please just don't repeat them to your Daddy. Especially not when you are sitting on the toilet going poo-poo and when Daddy is in the hallway within earshot...please please PLLEEEEEZZZZZEEEE do not shout "OH SHHHHHEEEEEIIIIIITTTTT!!!" so loudly. Its not good for your Ma's parenting priveleges. Plus, both of us don't fit very well in your 'Time Out' chair.
I know its a tough job being a 3 yr old, so I give you permission to mouth those words to yourself, but just small, mouth movements with no sound, please. That is all.
Love,
Ma
I know you are so so so smart, but please don't repeat me when I am cussing. Things like, "OH SHIT!" or "WHAT AN ASSHOLE" are only for big people's ears. And if you do happen to catch me saying one of these nasty comments, please just don't repeat them to your Daddy. Especially not when you are sitting on the toilet going poo-poo and when Daddy is in the hallway within earshot...please please PLLEEEEEZZZZZEEEE do not shout "OH SHHHHHEEEEEIIIIIITTTTT!!!" so loudly. Its not good for your Ma's parenting priveleges. Plus, both of us don't fit very well in your 'Time Out' chair.
I know its a tough job being a 3 yr old, so I give you permission to mouth those words to yourself, but just small, mouth movements with no sound, please. That is all.
Love,
Ma
Slouchy throwaround bag
I love the colors used in this bag....esp when I can use up scraps and create something pretty!
Flower pocketbook
My first hand-embroidered project. It wasn't that hard, nor did it take very long. I just kept poking myself with the sharp needle. I wanted to highlight the flower, so I kept the rest of it fairly simple. The brown hand stitching pulls the colors all together.
Me not guilty
At home on a rainy Sunday
I'm not guilty, Ma! It was Andrew who dumped your last box of tampons down the toilet - not me!
I am a sweet little angelic aura of innocence!!
Efficient Pisser
Andrew cracked me up today. I love his personality and I like to think that I've done well training this rugrat. What I didn't take into account was the "efficiency" gene...the same one that got passed down from my Mom to me, and me to my Andrew. My Mom is the most efficient person that I know. She can multi-task like a super star. In fact, if she were a super hero, I'd probably dub her "Efficiency Woman" When we were growing up, she was the one who would be in the middle of chopping onions for dinner, watch a dramatic Chinese soap-opera, come up with dinner menus for the next two weeks, scratch the dog with her left foot, on the phone chit-chatting with a neighbor about tomorrow's Mah-jong game, right ear listening that I practiced piano music for a whole half hour - note for note, and left elbow grating carrots. All the while, she is also scolding my brother, "Ah-Jay-ah! Do your homework!"
My, my. How the cycle of life works. Tonight, Andrew took off all his clothes to take a bath. Usually, he pee's by himeself - I thought I had trained him well in the art of aiming directly in the pot. So, I've come to trust that my son not only pee's with precision laser aiming techniques, but also that he wipes all his dribbles with a nice folded square of toilet paper.
Tonight, he was in a hurry. He really reallllly realllllly wanted to get in the tubby to play with his boats. So I told him to pee first. He stands up on his little 6" plastic stool in front of the toilet. Both the lid and the seat were down, so he proceeds to grab both with his hands - one on each side of the lids. Lift about 4 inches, just enough to clear his weiner. Looks in the mirror at the reflection of me, flashes me a million dollar, "look at me, Ma, I'm pretty clever" smile, thrusts his hips forward and pisses directly in the pot between that ittty bitty oh-so-tiny 4" crack (all while still holding both lids with both hands). Spies his brother taking his toys, tells his brother, "No Nathan, thats my boat!!!" Finishes pissing. Wiggles just a bit to get the last dribbles in the pot. In one fluid motion, lowers the lid back down 4 inches with one hand, the other hand reaches over to flush the toilet, and steps down from the stool. Runs to the tub.
TA-DA!!!
Now, that is a model of efficiency. One day, highly paid consultants will study this technique and write white-papers and best practice studies complete with elaborate work-flow diagrams. Maybe we should trademark it now.
Or....it could just be a sign of laziness. Crap. I already feel sorry for his future wife.
BUT....what if his hand accidently slips, or even more likely he has a nagging itch on his butt that he instinctively reaches for. THE LID WILL DROP DIRECTLY ON HIS WEINER. This will cause thousands in medical bills, not to mention years of psycho-therapy. Crap. Now I feel sorry for all of us.
My, my. How the cycle of life works. Tonight, Andrew took off all his clothes to take a bath. Usually, he pee's by himeself - I thought I had trained him well in the art of aiming directly in the pot. So, I've come to trust that my son not only pee's with precision laser aiming techniques, but also that he wipes all his dribbles with a nice folded square of toilet paper.
Tonight, he was in a hurry. He really reallllly realllllly wanted to get in the tubby to play with his boats. So I told him to pee first. He stands up on his little 6" plastic stool in front of the toilet. Both the lid and the seat were down, so he proceeds to grab both with his hands - one on each side of the lids. Lift about 4 inches, just enough to clear his weiner. Looks in the mirror at the reflection of me, flashes me a million dollar, "look at me, Ma, I'm pretty clever" smile, thrusts his hips forward and pisses directly in the pot between that ittty bitty oh-so-tiny 4" crack (all while still holding both lids with both hands). Spies his brother taking his toys, tells his brother, "No Nathan, thats my boat!!!" Finishes pissing. Wiggles just a bit to get the last dribbles in the pot. In one fluid motion, lowers the lid back down 4 inches with one hand, the other hand reaches over to flush the toilet, and steps down from the stool. Runs to the tub.
TA-DA!!!
Now, that is a model of efficiency. One day, highly paid consultants will study this technique and write white-papers and best practice studies complete with elaborate work-flow diagrams. Maybe we should trademark it now.
Or....it could just be a sign of laziness. Crap. I already feel sorry for his future wife.
BUT....what if his hand accidently slips, or even more likely he has a nagging itch on his butt that he instinctively reaches for. THE LID WILL DROP DIRECTLY ON HIS WEINER. This will cause thousands in medical bills, not to mention years of psycho-therapy. Crap. Now I feel sorry for all of us.
Tits
Nathan is 20 months old. He is the MASTER of one-word communication. Usually, this word is
"No."
This morning, I plucked Nathan from his crib and as I was balancing him on my left hip, he turned to me and said his usual super-low-deep-throaty-i-just-woke-up voice,
"Hi."
Then, he pointed to my boob, and very clearly, slowly, calmly, in his same super-low-deep-throaty-i-just-woke-up voice said,
"Tits."
(jaw dropping to floor)
What the hell are they teaching my kid at school????? He's 1 year old, for God's sake! I think I need to have a parent-teacher conference to discuss their so-called award-winning curriculum.
"No."
This morning, I plucked Nathan from his crib and as I was balancing him on my left hip, he turned to me and said his usual super-low-deep-throaty-i-just-woke-up voice,
"Hi."
Then, he pointed to my boob, and very clearly, slowly, calmly, in his same super-low-deep-throaty-i-just-woke-up voice said,
"Tits."
(jaw dropping to floor)
What the hell are they teaching my kid at school????? He's 1 year old, for God's sake! I think I need to have a parent-teacher conference to discuss their so-called award-winning curriculum.
But you're my BEST FRIEEEEEENNNNNDDD!
uuuuggggghhhhh!!!!
Sometimes when Andrew gets in trouble or doesn't listen, I get so frustrated. Usually, my choice of ammo is "go to your room and sit in time out." Andrew used to immediately go run into his room. He'd cry cry cry, and if sufficient time has passed, he'd suddenly stop, look to see if he had an audience. If not, he'd move closer to where he thought I would be, and start his whole routine all over again - on his elbows and knees, forehead to the ground, cry pathetically and then, again, stop and look up to check to see if he had an audience.
This cycle usually would go on for oh, about 10 minutes or so, until he got tired of tracking me down all over the house, each time starting his routine from scratch. Then, he'd come over and apologize.
That used to work....until he started being able to have intelligent conversation.
One day, he refused to pick up his toys. I asked 4 tmes, and finally he said "NO MOMMY! I don't want to!"
So...I did what I had to do, "Andrew Jacob Hair...you go to your room right now!"
"No! No! No!"
"I'm going to count to three....1...... 2...... 2.5.... 2.75...... 2.98.....3! Ok mister. you are in BIG BIG trouble. Mommy is mad! No more TV!"
He then looks at me...with those big, brown eyes....
"Mommy.....you're my best friend!"
"Andrew, you didn't listen to me. You need to go time out."
Now, his lips are trembling....one hand gently tugging at my skirt....with a hurt look on his face like he just lost his favorite toy...insert dramatic pause....
"But Mommmmmmeeeeeeeee....I said you are my BEST FRIEEEEEEEENNNDDDDD!!!!!!!!"
I don't know if this whole lip trembling thing is an act or not. Or, if they teach that at his day care, which is also a church. But I seriously doubt that carefully scripted, manipulative guilt trips are part of the Baptist religion or pre-K curriculum.
Sometimes when Andrew gets in trouble or doesn't listen, I get so frustrated. Usually, my choice of ammo is "go to your room and sit in time out." Andrew used to immediately go run into his room. He'd cry cry cry, and if sufficient time has passed, he'd suddenly stop, look to see if he had an audience. If not, he'd move closer to where he thought I would be, and start his whole routine all over again - on his elbows and knees, forehead to the ground, cry pathetically and then, again, stop and look up to check to see if he had an audience.
This cycle usually would go on for oh, about 10 minutes or so, until he got tired of tracking me down all over the house, each time starting his routine from scratch. Then, he'd come over and apologize.
That used to work....until he started being able to have intelligent conversation.
One day, he refused to pick up his toys. I asked 4 tmes, and finally he said "NO MOMMY! I don't want to!"
So...I did what I had to do, "Andrew Jacob Hair...you go to your room right now!"
"No! No! No!"
"I'm going to count to three....1...... 2...... 2.5.... 2.75...... 2.98.....3! Ok mister. you are in BIG BIG trouble. Mommy is mad! No more TV!"
He then looks at me...with those big, brown eyes....
"Mommy.....you're my best friend!"
"Andrew, you didn't listen to me. You need to go time out."
Now, his lips are trembling....one hand gently tugging at my skirt....with a hurt look on his face like he just lost his favorite toy...insert dramatic pause....
"But Mommmmmmeeeeeeeee....I said you are my BEST FRIEEEEEEEENNNDDDDD!!!!!!!!"
I don't know if this whole lip trembling thing is an act or not. Or, if they teach that at his day care, which is also a church. But I seriously doubt that carefully scripted, manipulative guilt trips are part of the Baptist religion or pre-K curriculum.
My mouth is 5 grapes big!
Slideshow
Barefoot fireman meets naked handyman
I don't even think I need to write an entry about this....its self explanatory.
To see the pictures bigger, click here
To see the pictures bigger, click here
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