Magical Moments: Saving for college

We had quite a bit of drama this past weekend. Nathan decided to put a nickel he found on the floor in his mouth. and swallow it. whole.

gulp.

I watched the whole thing in horror - kinda like in slow motion - as he was putting it in his mouth I reached towards him saying "nnnnnNNNNNOOOOOooooo"

too late.

all gone.

After frantically calling the pediatrician, my brother, poison control, wikipedia and the Pope, it was concluded that we would wait for him to shit it out.

Doctor: "hahaha. Is he saving for college? Its the second most common injury to kids. He'll probably just pass it out."

Me: "But its a NICKEL"

Scott: "I think he's fine - he's playing, laughing and beating up his brother already."

Me: "But what if its going to hurt coming out? Its a NICKEL. Nickels are heavy and round and big."

Scott: "He'll shit it out."

Doctor: "Call me if you don't see it by Tuesday."

Me: "You try shitting out a nickel."

--

So I don't know who nominated ME to be the shit digger, but sometime between Saturday night and Monday morning, he must have shat at least 7 times - no nickel - just to torture me.

Weapons of choice: surgical gloves, mask, popsicle stick

Every time the bugger shat, I had to go through it. And whose fat idea was it to have broccoli the night before? Lets just say that I WILL NOT MAKE GUACAMOLE for a loooooonnnngggg loooooooonnnnnnggggggg time.

--

Monday morning, I had to explain to his teachers that if he did a "Bowel Movement" (Christian day-care center doesn't use the word "shit" in their language) - please save it for me and I will dig through the crusty ~~shit~~ poop when he comes home.

I was really getting worried.

Tuesday is only a few hours away!  What then? Its not like they would use a pipe cleaner to wiggle it out.....right???

Maybe fishing line and magnet?

Mini intestinal vacuum?

Well, he crapped the nickel out at school late in the day. Knowing my kid, 5 pennies probably came out of his ass.

I was actually upset that the teacher didn't keep the nickel as ~~souvenier~~ evidence. I really wanted to see it to make sure it was "THE" nickel that I've been stressing out about the past 48 hours.... not any other nickel that he might have swallowed that I wasn't aware of and haven't prayed for.

The teacher said that a round "black" object came out in his diaper. Upon closer inspection (hmmm...I wonder what *that* specifically meant - did she poke at it? did she hold it up close to her eyes?) she noticed it was coin-sized and hard. Conclusion: nickel expelled.

Teacher described in such detail that it makes me believe that she's gotten some
kind of attachment to the thing. How scary.  And why is the nickel black now?  Does my son have nickel residue stuck in his body forever? I wonder if will have some long term side effect like premature baldness. Who knows.

Here is his report card. See, I told you they say "Bowel Movement" - BM for short: