Amusement Park Terrorist

Yesterday morning, we spontaneously decided to take a trip to Disneyworld. After all, we invested $700 for 1-year passes, and we only live 1 1/2 hours away.   While we had a blast, there were 2 incidences that really pissed me off.

I wore my usual tank-top (it was insanely hot and humid).  
Upon entry, I was stopped by this short, fat, ugly old lady in uniform.

"Excuse me Miss..."

I didn't respond, because I didn't think she was speaking to me.  I just don't fit the profile of a amusement park terrorist.

"Um, EXCUUUUSSEEEE ME MA'AM!!!"

I cocked my head in her direction, just curious to see which crazy customer she was referring to.  She was coming directly at ME fast and furious.  Oh crap. What did I do now?  I instinctively checked to make sure my zipper was up and my nose was free of hanging snot. (don't laugh, I bet you do that too)

(heavy breathing) because walking all of 10 yards really took her breath away.  "Miss, you MUST wear a tank top over whatever you are wearing." She was pointing at my top with her finger that resembled a snausages dog treat.

1. I was wearing a halter top, the tie is behind the neck, double knotted
2. It was long, covering my belly completely
3. My halter top was turquiose and blue, very fashionable colors

I checked myself over, "What are you talking about?"

She purses her lips in a "I'm a guest relations specialist at DisneyWorld, 
the happiest place on earth, and YOU ARE AN OBSTACLE in Walt's
mission statement" sort of way.

"You need to cover your top up. Its not acceptable. What if your knot comes out and your top falls down?"

WTF???!!!??  Yeah lady, and what if your fat lips suddenly snapped back up and over your head?  It was so ridiculous, not even funny.

I had Andrew in my arms, and instead of saying anything, I just turned my back on her and walked away, giving her an under-handed backflip middle finger.

I heard her scramble to get her manager like it was the end of the world if I didn't cover up because my knots might come loose and heaven forbid if my flabby tits would frighten the children of the world.

I turned around as Manager came over to me.  It was an older, bald man.  

I flashed a flirtacious smile at him.

Manager says, "oh she's fine."

I almost stuck out my tongue at Snausages.  As my son would say, "neener neener neener, you're a big fat weeeeennneeer!"